Harry had it right. Men and women can’t just be friends; sex always gets in the way. And if it doesn’t, there’s sure to be some busybody to come along and make sure it does. Why is it that “faith based conservatives” treat their own young people as purely sexual beings? We object to the oversexualization of our popular culture, and yet we succumb to it in dealing with young people. Something there about mixed messages?
I'm thinking in particular of a new rule created at a so-called Christian coffeeshop, which has been imposed on patrons of said shop, that says that people hanging out there can't go out and walk around town, after 7:30, unless the group consists of at least 2 girls and one guy. Apparently you need at least one guy so that the helpless girls don't get mugged, and at least two girls to protect each other from their guy protector??
My problem with this rule has less to do with it per se, it's stupid, so what. I don't even object as strenuously to the fact that someone thinks they can impose such things on independent people over which they have no control. I do however have a major philosophical problem with the flawed reasoning behind it which betrays a deeper problem among the church. Using this particular instance to reason to the general, I will try to counter this argument as generally put forth.
These small bundles of raging hormones can’t even be trusted to go out for a walk on their own around a small town, because the urges of lust will overcome one or the other (or both) of them, and next thing we know, the Seventh Commandment is lying shattered on the sidewalk.
Now this is offensive to me, as it should be to all morally upright guys. For one, such a concept requires the belief that as guys, we view all women as potential sexual conquests. Secondly, it postulates that a good friendship will necessarily lead to physical involvement. Finally, it puts forward the slanderous dual pronged argument that even good kids are either: “guys who are potential rapists, and would assault a woman no matter place or time, even in public,” or “sweet church girls who are yet very likely to be lying manipulative creatures who seek nothing better than to ruin the lives of their guy friends by making a false accusation.” This baseless argument is devoid of reason and should and must be refuted, so that prying, backbiting, slanderous busybodies in the church can no longer hide behind their assumed false front of giving strong Scriptural advice.
Now, there is some merit to a standard if it is formulated such that “couples should not spend time alone in sexually tempting environments,” i.e.: sitting on the guys’ bed in his apartment with no one around. It could also say that a couple who were committed to abstinence who have already had problems with premarital physicality can and should draw further limits on their interactions alone in order to avoid compromising situations. These are wise iterations of the Scriptural command to flee temptation. However, these pernicious people often go much further in the restrictions they place on others.
This false standard is often couched in the “Well, we wouldn’t want someone to accuse someone of something they didn’t do.” Let me respond: First of all, most intelligent guys are better judges of character than to associate with people who are likely to make such damaging false accusations.
Second, considering the social stigma associated with rape and the abysmally low statistics of reported versus non-reported sexual assaults, the false rape allegation is already much less common than TV would have us believe. When they do occur, they most often occur between people who actually have engaged in physical intimacy, whether a jilted lover getting back at an ex, or a girl who has become pregnant who wishes to conceal her consensual sexual activity from her parents. Sexual assault cases are very much based on forensic evidence, and if two people haven’t engaged in sexual activity, the forensic evidence to support such a baseless accusation is simply not there.
Oh, and stop using “what other people will think,” as a cover to force what you think on others. This is the same reasoning used by people who argue against interracial relationships because of how “society will treat you.” Face it, you are the very society that you are warning us against, and if you stopped being so close-minded and hypocritical, the very problems you pretend to caringly confront us about would cease to be problems. Just exactly when did I ask your advice? Handle your own life, let me deal with mine.